Hello, please can anybody help? I need some urgent advice for a desperate friend.

What can a woman do if she has come to NL with her husband and his job, and the marriage has broken down? Also, she has two children, and is desperate to leave marital home - but has no money or no job (left work to have children and home to come here).

The good thing (I think that its good), is that she is an EU citizen - but has no ties back in her country to return too - plus, she wants the children to stay in school here - as they have been in the country for four years.

She has been advised by ACCESS that ex-hubby has to pay for living expenses by Dutch law - but biggest problem is how does she go about finding somewhere to live, asap. He refuses to leave the home.

I really don't know what to advise her. I told her that I would help her to find out the information -hence why I am scouting for any help here. Does anybody know of any sound advice for this horrid situation.... where does she go from here?


Thanks in anticipation .

Hi mnt,

Does she want to her kids to stay in the same school or just in the Dutch system?
I'm no expert .. so here are only my immediate thoughts.. Relying on someone who is being totally unco-operative to pay for a roof over your head, having no money and no job is not looking good when a perspective landlord is considering them as tennants.

Does she have no money because he has no money? I could see the point of him not wanting to be trying to pay for a second home if money is already tight, if he has money but she doesn't then surely a divorce settlement would be worth living under the same roof for, at least until she can afford something from the settlement.

Does she have skills, ie) can she get a job? they have been here a while, I'm assuming that she speaks Dutch? I'd say that for her, job hunting would be a priority...

I have no clue what the rules are for state housing or her elligablity fo it... could you look into that possibility ?.. it would at least cross that option off the list if it's not viable.

It all depends why she is in such great haste to leave the family home... or get him to... if they are just sick to death of each other then I would think that ok, of course it's not a brilliant situation by any means but they have to work things out and come to some sort of arrangement.

For Heavens sake there are kids in this equasion ... I truely and sincerely hope it's not an "I'll spite you by taking the kids away /spite you back by not giving you money to leave..." situation where the parents are getting nasty and the kids are in the middle.

If there are other factors that require him to be urgently removed then social services /police shoudl maybe take a look...

It's not easy to reply without knowing more details and understandably that info is personal and private.

With no income and no job and no savings then indeed moving out is fraught with difficulty, we have a spare rooms and a big heart but heck I would be crazy to consider what would be in all likelyhood end up as us " supporting" someone and their kids for an indefiniate amount of time. We have helped people out in the past as a favour but taking on someone with zero prospects is not going to fly... i'm not a landlord, and landlords want profit. For profit or not, niether of us are up for that kind of stress and hassle. ( sorry, just being brutally honest)

I think that probably there is more going on here and that it can't be as simple as it seems at first glance.... but keeping two houses in NL is a considerable expense... so is it possible he is digging his heels in for purely practical reasons? .. who knows ,maybe money is tighter than he lets on ? It comes down to the fact the we just don't know the all the facts and we don't have both halves of the story...

Sorry not to be of more help...

She needs an attorney, Plain and simple.
Asking us is not going to help.

There must be an organisation which deals with this sort of situation. I'm guessing he's abusive and in that case a shelter would be a solution for her. Not particiularly pleasant but if she's that desperate to leave that would be the only solution.

I have no idea how this works but the local council would have more information. I suggest she contacts or visits them in person to explain her situation and ask their advice.