Hi, I'm 22 years old. Coming to Amsterdam on 16 August to work in an IT company

Looking for new friends and anyone who could show me around Amsterdam. hehehe..

PM me if anyone interested

Here's a wee bit of a general overview I've written that may give you a few pointers and suggestions about Amsterdam ...


Amsterdam “ The Insiders Guide to the Seedy Underbelly of Sin City! By Murray de Schot
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Contents

1. Introduction
2. Before You Leave
3. Accommodation
4. Arriving In The Netherlands
5. Getting Around
6. Drugs
7. Bars
8. Eating Out
9. Sightseeing in Amsterdam
10. Parks
11. Sex
12. The Red Light District
13. Clubbing
14. Shopping
15. Miscellaneous Points
16. Handy Telephone Numbers
17. Finally …


Introduction

In recent years, with the advent of Sleazy Jet and their taxi-fare-home-priced tickets to mainland Europe, Amsterdam has become a venue that many people have probably considered as being the ideal location for that naughty romantic week-end getaway or the pissed-up bravado of a boy’s own stag-do.

Amsterdam is VERY much a fun city, but like any tourist capital it has it’s own share of perils and pitfalls, so I’ve taken the opportunity to sit down and review last years ‘sticky‘ and bring it a wee bit more up to date and a little easier to navigate to the main points of interest. Hopefully this may give a few pointers to the “Do’s and Don’t” for anyone visiting this city so crazy they ought to rename it “Insane” and “What’s Hot and What’s Not” in Amsterdam.

Don’t expect an exhaustive history of the city, built on trade, diamonds and slavery, a guide around the Anne Frank House or Rijksmuseum (last visited in 1978, so my memories are a wee bit vague!). Nor is it a bar-by-bar, street-by-street review. My hope is that some of the pointers I make will ensure that your “experience” of this fair city is an enjoyable one.

I will assume that you will have the foresight to get a city map for your visit, so I will refer to streets and places that are easily navigated by the assistance of a street map.


Before You Leave

Packing your bags for your visit, bear in mind that the weather in Amsterdam is fairly unpredictable. We are on roughly the same latitude (or is it longitude?) as London, however, as we're situated several metres below sea level, the weather tends to veer towards a very humid climate, so packing a shower-proof jacket would be advisable. Unless a major climatic disaster befalls the Netherlands, between March and September ski jackets will probably be unnecessary in the winter months, bring warm clothing, as it does get very cold and very damp.

Also maybe pick-up a two pin adaptor at the airport before you leave if you intend to use your hairdryer, charge your phone, I-pod, etc. here.

If you intend to chill out and perhaps read during your visit, bring the Books or magazines with you. English-language publications are expensive here.


Accommodation

First thing to mention is book your accommodation in advance, as Amsterdam may be hosting the “Annual Gay Leather and Rubber Lovers Convention”(!) or whatever during the time you intend coming to Amsterdam and hotels may well be fully-booked. As I’m not really in a position to make too many recommendations of hotels, perhaps check out http://www.hotels.nl/ . Whatever the hotel, luxurious 5 star suites aside, the rooms will be small, but hey, try finding a large hotel room in Amsterdam without spending stellar amounts. For the extremely money-conscious there are also a few hostels around town, but again I’m hardly in a position to make comment or give recommendations.


Arriving In The Netherlands

There is, of course, the option of taking your car to Amsterdam by ferry, however, unless you intend to spend your vacation travelling out with Amsterdam, that option is probably best forgotten, as Amsterdam is not the most car-friendly city in the World, with extremely expensive parking charges (running 7 days a week from 07.00 – 23.00 hours), the constant danger of hitting cyclists, pedestrians or being mowed down by a tram.
So, the reality is that you’ll likely to be landing at Schiphol Airport in the southwest of the city. By far the easiest, cheapest and quickest way to get into the city is by train from the platforms located under the airport’s main concourse, despite what the taxi touts who’ll be eagerly awaiting your arrival at the gate will say. Trains run regularly, are surprisingly cheap and the journey to Amsterdam Centraal Station takes around 15 minutes. From your arrival at the Station BE ON YOUR GUARD! Amsterdam Centrum (City Centre) is a magnet for both junkies and pickpockets and the city’s main railway station is a focal point for the human detritus that will open-the-eyes of even the most hardened of tourists. Just ensure that your arrival doesn’t lend itself to you being relieved of your wallet!


Getting Around

On arrival at CS (Centraal Station), a taxi to your hotel may seem to be the obvious answer to get there quickly, however, beware. Many taxi’s, particularly since deregulation four years ago, are seemingly intent in fleecing you of as much cash as possible. The start meter reading should be €7 (any more and I’d suggest that you get out and get another taxi, or risk getting an involuntary tour of the outskirts of Amsterdam at your expense before you reach your final destination.) The ‘old’ regulated and well-respected taxi company of Amsterdam is called the TCA, look for that on the lightboard on the roof and their operators speak perfect English on 020-6777777.

Amsterdam is well served by public transport, with the infamous trams, a citywide bus service and a metro system. However, you’re unlikely to encounter the metro service as it links outlying business and residential areas with the city centre, not really the touristy places. These service run from dawn ‘til just after midnight (thereafter, a patchy night bus service). You can buy tickets on the bus, tram or at the metro station, however by far the cheapest way to get around Amsterdam is to pop into a newsagent/tobacconists and ask for a Strippenkaart, which costs €6.80. I won’t go into the complexities of how to use this multi-journey card, but it gives you approx. 7 journeys throughout the centre on all public transport at a fraction of the cost of individual journeys, which cost €1.60. Maybe pop into the GVB (Amsterdam Council’s Transport Company) office at the front of Central Station and pick-up a strippenkaart there and ask them to explain how it’s used. It’s very easy to explain face-to-face, less so in written English!

You may elect to go the Amsterdam way and hire yourself a bike from one of the bike rental companies in town. It’s cheap, fun and easy, however, like my warning over cars in Amsterdam, be VERY aware of other road users. Generally Amsterdam has designated cycle lanes where like other traffic you ride always on the right hand side, but the danger is ALWAYS present of pedestrians (usually stoned tourists to be honest) stepping into your path. Also, in certain places you may have to cycle on the road itself. Be VERY careful not to get caught in a tram track. Additionally, don’t be tempted to ride down pavements or you’re likely to get an on-the-spot fine from the Amsterdam police. That aside, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS (enough emphasis?) lock your bike to something solid. The average length of bike ownership in Amsterdam is measured in weeks … if you get your rental bike nicked … you pay.


Drugs

You’ve checked in to your hotel, showered and changed and are “chomping-at-the-bit” to get out there and party. Don’t however fall into the most common thing that WILL spoil your first day, i.e. walking into the first coffee shop that you come to and ordering “The strongest weed that you’ve got”. As the Cannabis capital of the World, Dutch growers have refined their hydroponic weed to levels that could make a single Dutch joint the equivalent in strength, to even regular smokers, over your 'normal', as drinking a bottle of whisky is compared to having a pint of beer to a drinker! If in doubt don’t be too proud or too stupid to take advice from the dealer. Otherwise expect to be found slouched in an alleyway somewhere turning various shades of green, yellow and white whilst some junkies relieve you of your wallet and mobile phone. If you do take a "whitey" however, a Mars Bar and Orange juice or an isotonic drink (Try the Dutch version of Lucozade called AA) ought to sort things out within about half an hour, as that will raise your blood-sugar level. Also, if the temptation of Space Cake takes your ‘fancy’ also be VERY careful. Two reasons, one being that you NEVER know the strength or quantity of the weed within, and two, Space Cake can take up to a couple of hours to ‘come on’, therefore if after an hour nothing’s happened DO NOT be tempted to try another slice. Amsterdam’s streets are littered at the weekends with “I can smoke you under the table, John-types” that think that they can handle serious amounts of weed. Think again. Or think more carefully.

For grass, with the exception of some real low-rent, no mark coffeeshops, what you score in one place is pretty much the same standard as another, the difference is the price. A very good and easy to find coffeeshop is the Speakeasy in Oudebrugsteeg, about four doors down from the main Grasshopper. Scoring there and smoking it elsewhere WILL save cash. And by the way, if you go into a coffeeshop and buy a drink and the guy behind the bar comes up and says that you can only smoke weed bought there, get up and tell him to "###### Off"! You bought a drink!

If you prefer hasj (Dutch for hash) and want to be really "educated" and pore over the subtleties of Manali Cream and Super Polm to impress friends back home, check out Centraal Coffeeshop on Prins Hendrikkade, adjacent to Centraal Station. They have a VERY good reputation for quality and fair deals. Also the Dampkring at Handboogstraat 29 has a worldwide reputation for quality and choice, albeit at a price (well, it was featured in Ocean’s 12!). Woody Harrelson, Quentin Tarantino (who has a apartment in the Nieuwe Herengracht) and Brad Pitt have all been spotted there! The “famous” Bulldog and afore-mentioned Grasshopper are probably best avoided, as their prices are leaning VERY much to the tourist rip-off levels, unless of course you want to score the “T-shirt”.

However, belying it’s cool laid back image, don’t walk down the street, even in the Red Light District smoking a spliff that would have made Bob Marley green … the Amsterdam Police have started clamping down on this, as it is technically illegal to smoke outwith the privacy of your home or a coffee shop or a licensed terrace way of a bar, and are likely to order you to stub it out.

If however your ‘taste’ is for drugs of stronger varieties. One extreme word of caution!!! DO NOT buy coke, ecstasy or whatever off the black guys in the streets of the Red Light District; at best you'll get ripped off with complete shit, at worst, you or someone in your party will experience the comatose comfort of an Amsterdam intensive care bed or, indeed, the chilled out confines of the mortuary fridge ... this is NOT an exaggeration!
If you or any of your party want to partake, a few subtle and discrete inquiries over a beer with ‘likely looking’ locals in a bar in the Red Light District may point you in the right direction.



Bars

Now, let’s move onto bars. Amsterdam bars are divided into a variety of distinct categories:

The Koffiehuis (as opposed to a Coffeeshop) are least likely to be found in the centre, these are generally filled with old people reading newspapers, playing cards or dice, whilst drinking coffee or the old Dutch alcoholic’s favourite, the ‘ kopstoot’ (literal translation “head butt’(!)); a glass filled to the brim with Genever (Dutch Gin), followed down with a beer in a small glass called a fluitje. Probably not a place you’d venture into. A vaasje (half-pint) will cost approx. €1.40 - €1.80 in these places.

Next is the Brown Café. These are usually small bars, named “Brown” because of the brown woodwork and tobacco tainted ceilings that invariably decorate their interiors. These can be quite fun places to visit, blending a mix of locals and tourists alike. Food in these places is normally restricted to crisps or cheese and ham toasties and rarely more. A vaasje (half-pint) will cost approx. €1.80 - €2.20 in Brown Cafes.

Then you’ve the tourist bars. These are easy to recognise, with sharp names, pool tables and neon signs, etc. These are rarely frequented by locals and tend to have exaggerated tap prices to suit the clientele. Expect to pay anything from €4.50 - €10(!!!) for a pint.

Now, onto Eet Cafe’s (Eat Cafes). These are similar in a lot of ways to Brown Cafes, although usually a bit larger, and they serve both food and drink. Your main course will invariably be accompanied by a bowl of dutch ‘ frites’ aka French Fries, and as an appetizer when you’ve ordered your meal normally bread and tapenade. As with the Brown Cafés, a vaasje (half-pint) will cost approx. €1.80 - €2.20.

At the top of the pile, the Grande Café. These are large, generally opulent places populated by the trendy, artistic or professional of the city. Usually there prices are higher than any other bars in Amsterdam (except for tourist bars), and normally sell food and snacks throughout the day. Not really the sort of place to go to if there’s twenty of you out on a stag do to be honest. A vaasje (half-pint) will cost approx. €2.00- €2.50.

Licensing laws, generally run in bars from 11 a.m. through to 1 a.m. Sunday through to Thursday, with Friday and Saturday extending to 3 a.m. So there are night bars, like San Francisco on the Zeedijk which open and close later, but they are pretty dodgy places to go to. The only one that I will recommend is Café Thorbecke on Thorbeckeplein, right beside Rembrandtplein. Even at 4.30 in the morning both the bar staff and clientele are always happy and friendly which is VERY unlike most night bars that I’ve experienced.

So that’s an overview into the types of bars Amsterdam has, let’s move on … If you’re over for the weekend with the missus, in Amsterdam, the skies are the limit. Pick something that you like the look of and enjoy the experience. As for places, out with the Red Light District to relax and chill out, there are a few popular locations that I'd certainly recommend.

There are a couple of really nice Grand Cafes on Rembrandtplein to sit, drink and watch the Amsterdam world go by. Cafe De Kroon is situated 2 floors above the Plein (Square) and has an enclosed gallery where you can sit in comfort and spectate with reasonable priced drinks (by capital city standards) and well presented food. It’s also a very trendy hotspot at nights with the young and trendy of Amsterdam for pre-club drinks or simply hooking-up with friends. Likewise Cafe L'Opera just a wee bit further down the Plein is also a worthwhile stop. At street level you can sit on their terrace and embrace the passing sights of Amsterdammers on the move.

There are a few good bars also at Spui, at the end of Spuistraat, that also lend themselves to a visit; Harry’s Bar has a huge cocktail menu but is quite pricey. De Beiaard across the street has a great selection of Belgian beers and every bar around this particular area seems to be a wee bit classier than you'd find in the Red Light District (not too difficult!).

If you’re on a boy’s own weekend, you probably WILL end-up spending most of your time in or around the Red Light District or the Leidseplein, unless you’re a party of art lovers who wish to peruse the museu and art galleries ... but then again I'd guess not! And this is where the Red Light District and Leidseplein scores points, as there are loads of coffeeshops and bars that will happily open their doors and welcome you in ... at a price. Try however to avoid little Dutch Brown Cafes in these neighbourhoods, or for that matter anywhere in town. Many of the more 'local-type' bars don't really encourage large amounts of guys coming in on stag does. And due to the ease and cheapness of getting Sleazy Jet here, it's sad to say, particularly NOT English guys. A small element of troublemakers always spoils the party for the rest.

Bars in the Red Light District that are happy to take in groups of guys, including The Excalibur, Fat City, Wild Style, Suzie’s Saloon are located on one of the two main canals that dissect the Red Light District, Oudezijdes Voorburgwal. However BEHAVE in these places, as they, I’m led to believe, are all owned or have VERY strong connections with the Hells Angels … you have been warned. Getting pissed up and being a little bit raucous won’t cause too many problems. Abusing the bar staff or trying to pick fights WILL! Many of the bars in the RLD are reputedly owned by the Hells Angels.

If you are on a boys own and want “fun”, try Teasers on the Damrak - the street that leads from the Dam (Square) to Centraal Station – and adjacent to the eponymous Grasshopper. You’ll find yourself in a crowded bar, surrounded by shaved headed guys wearing football tops and getting fleeced ROYALLY for a pint of beer (€8 if I remember correctly!), however an “upside” is that you’ll be served my scantily clad young women, or witness them dancing on the bar. It goes without saying; no matter how pissed or hot and horny you are … you can look but most definitely DON’T touch.

Another place that's well worth visiting to chill out and relax away from the insanity of the Red Light District is the Nieuwmarkt. Situated at the end of the Zeedijk this large mediaeval square is a focus of non-touristy bars. One of the best I know is Cafe Cuba, real tasty Dutch girls tend to go there (but I wouldn’t even try ... Amsterdam girls are the hardest work in the World to try and pull!!!), you can smoke joints there (bear in mind VERY few bars will let you, if in doubt, ask!) and if it's sunny, a great place to sit on the terrace and the Caphirinha's (Rum, Mint, 7-up and the “secret mix”) are a REAL must have. Prices aren’t too bad either!

There is also an Irish bar on the Nieuwmarkt, I think it's called Temple Bar. My advice don’t go near it, the unfriendliest bar in town ... without doubt. The owner's a complete dickhead and, lucky for you, they don't let groups of guys in!


Eating Out

Food in the Red Light District principally revolves around street-side pizza shops that will serve you a slice of unpalatable shit, but hey, half of you'll have the munchies, so you'll never know! , shoarma (Doner Kebabs) that would turn the stomach of a Bombay Shite Hawk and not too much else, aside from one shop in the FEBO (Fay-bo) chain. FEBO is an Amsterdam institution. In FEBO, you go up to little coin operated slots and pay your €1.50 or so for a dodgy cheeseburger, or other deep-fried attempts to replicate food, open the slot retrieve your choice and eat.

If you go to the Zeedijk, on the edge of the Red Light District, you'll find Amsterdam's China Town area, with loads of Chinese restaurants, some good, most bad. One I’d advise to avoid is the all-you-can-eat-in-an-hour, Dim Sum Court. It may seem appealing for €7.50, but the food is not good at all. I used to go there all the time (back in the days of the Guilder), however over the past couple of years the quality has gone WAY WAY down hill.

For honest (Sometimes too honest) fast, unfussy Chinese food, in my opinion, the best is found in the Nam Kee on the Zeedijk as well as their restaurant on the Nieuwmarkt (which I personally prefer). These are two of the top Chinese restaurants, and what they perhaps lacks in decoration, they certainly make up for in the quality and price of the food. There will be lots of stuff that your familiar with, but read the menu CAREFULLY or you'll be delivered a plate with Fried Beef Bowel (!!!) in a black bean sauce or something else that you may not be too keen to try!!! Also on the Zeedijk is one of the best Thai restaurants in town, The Bird not only is the food tasty, check out the waitresses! Diagonally across the road is the sister establishment, the Bird Snack Bar, which is less expensive and more of a food-on-the-move establishment, but with the same high-standards as it’s sister restaurant.

For good, down to earth and VERY cheap food another place try out is the Kam Yin at the end of Warmoestraat. This is an Amsterdam gem, serving Surinam Chinese food at VERY low prices. A menu recommendation would be their Wan Ton Soup, followed by a Moksi Meti Special - various meats, served with vegetables and accompanied by either boiled rice (rijst) or friend rice (nasi), but check the menu and take your pick. A main course here costs around €7 – €8.

Another top tip for food on the move is the MAOZ chain of Falafel shops. These serve up small deep fried balls of ground chickpeas in pita bread and offer you a free and extensive salad bar to fill your pita to the brim. A tip I learnt from an Israeli guy … squash the falafel balls in between the pita bread before you add the salad … you get more! ;-) Priced at €4 it’s extremely good value for money. MAOZ is dotted around the city.

Alternatively, for flashy tourist priced bars and restaurants, the Leidseplein area and the Max Euwenplein, across from it, where the Hard Rock Cafe is located, have a lot of choice on offer. That aside both the world famous Paradiso and Melkweg music/party venues are in the direct vicinity. The streets around the Leidseplein have probably more international restaurants per square kilometre than most places on the globe … so you’ll be spoilt for choice.

If your taste in food is a bit more refined or you’re looking for a really romantic evening, maybe finally getting ‘round to “popping the question”! In my view, one of the best restaurants in town is Casa Di David on Singel. Here you can watch the dishes being hoisted on a pulley to the upper level, or watch the pizzas being baked in their wood-fired oven. They also have their own vineyard and olive grove in Tuscany, so you can sample their wine whilst you dip your fresh baked bread in their olive oil - sublime! As for price, I'd suggest that a 3-course A la Carte meal for two, with bottled water, espressos and (a must have!) bottle of their Chianti Reserve would tip the scales around €150 (around 100 GBP) at most. It’s best to call and reserve a table beforehand, and if you really want to impress your dinner partner, request in advance to get a table on the first floor at the window overlooking Singel, in my opinion one Amsterdam’s prettiest main canals.

For recommendations and independent reviews, a good website for Amsterdam restaurants (written in English) is http://www.specialbite.com/


Sightseeing in Amsterdam

One of the easiest ways to really see the history and heritage of Amsterdam is to take a canal cruise. The easiest places to get one are either on the Damrak or directly in front of Central Station. These tours generally last around an hour, have commentaries in several languages and cost not too much. If I remember correctly about €6 per person.

If you just want to chill out and unwind away from the constant interjections of "Can you spare me a Euro" or "Psst! Cocaine! Ecstasy!" that is constant in the Red Light District. To the west of the city centre is the Jordaan, an very quaint area that was originally built in the 1800's as accommodation for the city's artisans, but more recently has been chosen as the base for the upward mobile and affluent younger population of the town. On a nice sunny day, it’s well worth a saunter round, between the interspersed canal sides, and appreciate how beautiful Amsterdam REALLY is when the buildings aren’t bedecked in flashing neon signs offering a choice of sex, drugs or dance music. Most cafes and eetcafes in this area are worth a stop at.

Amsterdam also has a few street markets with the Albert Cuypmarkt in the south of the city being both the largest and most famous. Located in the south of the city in a neighbourhood known as de Pijp (The Pipe) and a ten minute walk from the Leidseplein, it’s well worth a visit to embrace Amsterdam’s busting market culture with rows and rows of stalls selling everything from fresh fish, exotic fruits, amazing cheeses, through to cheap clothing, bicycles, etc. There are a few nice quaint little brown cafes just off the market that offer an ideal location to rest those weary legs.

Also in this neighbourhood you can find the Heineken museum if you want to find out how Holland’s favourite beer was brewed (they’ve moved to a new brewery south of Amsterdam now), so this museum will provide you with an insight into brewing, as well as, of course sampling the end product. I believe that if it’s your birthday on the day you’re there they give you a commemorative beer mug!

One place that may be of interest to the beer drinkers is a visit to the Brouwerij t’ij. A small independent Amsterdam brewery that makes a range of organic and (VERY) strong beers. It’s located in the East of the city beside one of Amsterdam’s few remaining windmills, and the bar is open daily from 3 in the afternoon until 8. Take a Bus #22 from Central Station in the direction of Indische Buurt to Pontanustraat, and the bar/brewery is adjacent the bus halt. You can’t miss this stop, as mentioned, look for the windmill.

One other market that is a must see is Waterlooplein in the centre of Amsterdam. This is unique in that it’s more like a daily flea market than the ‘normal’ markets in town, selling such things as second hand clothing, second hand furniture, hippy tie-dyed tops, incense sticks, etc. It can be an interesting experience. One thing I noticed when I walked through recently is that there was a stall selling a vast selection of porno DVD’s at a fraction of the cost of the sex shops located in the Red Light District

On a slightly more cultural note, Amsterdam has loads of musea and art galleries, from the aforementioned Rijksmuseum, which houses Rembrandt’s famous (and HUGE!) “ Nightwatch” to quirky little museums, including the Hash Marijuana Museum on Oudezijds Achterburgwal to the Sex Museum on the Damrak. Amsterdam City council has started a new scheme called Iamsterdam, which is a card, which gives you access to all the municipal and principal museu and art galleries. The aforementioned Sex and drugs ones however aren’t in this scheme.



Parks

Amsterdam is full of lovely parks that the Dutch people both young and old love to frequent. Parks where you can go and chill out in the sun, have a coffee and a slice of traditional Dutch apple pie or beer on a terrace and watch some insane people going about. The biggest by far is Vondel Park. Situated a hop, skip and a jump from the Leidseplein and Max Eeuwenplein this is the most popular and crowded park in the city. As such, and especially on sunny weekends and evenings Vondel Park may not to be everyone’s taste.

One of the quietest and most tranquil parks in the city is Flevopark – which is my favourite park to walk my ‘puppies’. Situated way out East at the end of tram line 14. This park is probably the best place to go when you want to escape and relax, or indeed with it’s wide open spaces, to go play with a football, Frisbee or whatever you like. Also beside this park lies Flevoparkbad, an outdoor lido, where you can relax in the sun, dip a toe in the water or just simply swim for a few Euros.


Sex

Sex is obviously a famous Amsterdam attraction. With legalised prostitution split between the "windows" of the Red Light District (and a couple of other areas out with the centre) and sex clubs which charge a lot, you'll find that Amsterdam IS Very much a 24-hour adult playground catering for ALL tastes. You want a 6-foot stunning blonde model-type with Double D breasts and legs up to her armpits ... you got it! A 25-stone BIG black mama that will smother you in lovin' ... you got it! Get chained, manacled, whipped and beaten ... if it floats your boat, you'll find it here! However, bear in mind a few pointers. Condoms are not an option, they are a pre-requisite. Don't even attempt to debate the issue, it's NOT debateable. At "window" level, a suck-and-a-###### will cost between €25 to €50, dependent on the time of the day, the "windows" location and the quality of the 'goods'. Don't mess around with the girls either, if you see one that strikes-the-chord or get's your loins stirring, go up to them, explain what you're looking for and she'll agree or disagree and give you a price. DO NOT be tempted to take photographs of them in the "windows", even the "discrete" use of a camera phone may find you floating to the surface of one of the canals VERY quickly indeed, as the girls and their pimps are extremely camera-shy to say the least. Likewise, causing any sort of bother with the girl when you go into through "window" is likely to lead you to experiencing intimate knowledge of how ferocious the Dutch Hell's Angels can be, as I believe they are unofficially charged with policing the girls!

If you’re a bit more open minded and want to meet ‘real people’ as opposed to professionals and have the desire to broaden your horizons or exploring your sexual being, there’s a bar about 10 minutes from the Leidseplein called “The Same Place”, which is described as an “Erotic Café”, it’s like any normal bar, albeit a bit down-at-heel, with couples and singles drinking at the bar. Where it differs slightly is that in this bar ANYTHING consensual goes. Whether it’s couples looking to have sex with guys, guys wanting sex with guys, girls with girls, whatever it’s permitted and happens here. Dress code ranges from simply jeans and t-shirts to gimp suits and onto totally naked too. Whatever floats your boat wear it, or not if you have a naturist side. There’s large chill out day beds in the back and a dungeon beneath with a sling. Remember that whilst the bar staff are friendly and the clientele is very open-minded … No MEANS No! And no, it’s definitely not a good idea to go with a gang of the lads. Even going along alone and chatting at the bar can bring results. If you’re in anyway prudish, my advice is DON’T go.

Amsterdam has also two Paren Clubs (Swapping Clubs.) Paradise in Amsterdam North and Candy Club in Watergraafsmeer in the East.) I can’t recommend either as I’ve never visited them, but know that aside from Swinging Couples and Singles, there are a lot of hookers operating there too. The more classy Couples Only Swinging Clubs are generally located well outside Amsterdam on converted farms. These can be nice laid-back places, with good facilities; i.e. whirlpools, swimming pools, saunas, etc.

Gay bars and clubs generally are located in four or five streets of the city. Reguliersdwarsstraat, Kerkstraat and side streets around Rembrandtplein leading onto the Amstel tend to attract a more camp, upfront gay crowd. The bars on Warmoestraat with black and blue striped flags outside (bearing names like Dirty Dicks, The Eagle, The Cuckoo's Nest, The Cock Ring, etc.) are more ‘ sinister’ leather bars, with darkrooms and people up to their elbows in … well I ain’t going there!


The Red Light District

This area can be a real eye opener; a frantic mismatch of cultures and deviancies intertwined. A place that rides a precipice between human civilisation and Mammom himself! There’s EVERY activity known to man available and openly bought and sold here. Stare in disbelieve at people smoking crack pipes in door ways or alleyways, or injecting heroin too. But don’t stare too long.

The best way to avoid constant hassle from junkies and beggars is to avoid making eye contact with them, and if asked whether you want drugs or are prepared to contribute some loose a firm “No” usually does the trick. Likewise, any request to “ask you a question” is also best answered with “No”. There’s so many possible prospects that they’re unlikely to persist and will turn their attention to the next target in the street. However, that said, don’t come on too strong against them … the black guy hassling you for coke is more than likely not ‘trading’ alone.

One SERIOUS word of warning regarding the Red Light District. Although it is probably one of the safest and well-policed areas in the centre, with uniformed and plain-clothed cops operating morning, noon and night, combined with a recently introduced extensive CCTV system, don't get so fucked up that you start stumbling into people and being a nuisance, as this area probably has more guns per square kilometre than Bosnia during the war! If you're in a party and one of the guys has got so shit faced that he can't act normally, look after him, or take him back to the hotel. I am NOT joking!

That aside, if you're 'caught short", avoid pissing in an alleyway or in the canal, as, despite the Dutch police turning a blind-eye to the crack-dealers in the Red Light District, getting caught pissing (or in Dutch "Wilde Plassen" - literally Wild Pissing) WILL lead to an on-the-spot fine! Also, the majority of bodies dredged from the canals are found with their trousers around their ankles … and British passports too!!!


Clubbing

Amsterdam has a renowned club scene, however it is also notoriously difficult to get into clubs. For what’s on in town, pop into a record shop in town and check out the flyers. Be prepared for a wee bit of rejection along the way however. An unfortunate fact-of-life is that English/British people can be spotted a mile away, and the Amsterdam doormen aren't renowned for their friendliness or helpful nature! They tend to be EXTREMELY discriminatory on who they let in ... "Spreek je Nederlands?", "No", "Sorry, you're not getting in!” But eye contact and a smile CAN make a difference. Some of the more up market bars and clubs have door policies that are based on how much of a hard-core 'party animal' you look, rather than how casual, but smart you are, so again, tread carefully.

One club that probably will allow a group of guys in is “Escape” in Rembrandtplein. Doors open at around midnight, but be careful who you chat-up, as there is a degree of ‘edginess’ with some of the people who frequent the club.

Other clubs worth checking out are Jimmy Choo’s (VERY tough to get into!). Panama, which is located out in the East in an area that’s rapidly becoming Amsterdam’s version of the Docklands. Arena, again in East but easier to get to (and in to) than Panama. And the newly refurbished, Odeon on Singel.

Most clubs do allow people to smoke hash or weed, but never, as in the case of a bar assume and skin-up. Also you will be scanned and frisked when you go in so don’t carry anything on you that might make refusal an instant decision at the door.


Shopping

In the daytime, if you wish to take the "missus" shopping or window-shopping, try PC Hoofdstraat, Amsterdam's equivalent of Bond Street, so you can window-shop in Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Cartier or such-like, or relax in the Hoofdstraat Cafe (surprisingly reasonably priced) and watch the Dutch glitterati strut their stuff between expensive buys.

A more down-to-earth, i.e. real world shopping trip can be found on the Kalverstraat and the Nieuwendijk (the equivalent of Oxford Street), however, like the latter, a trip down on a Saturday is probably something best avoided!

Just off the Dam, behind the royal palace, the former Amsterdam head post office has been converted into a nice, quality shopping centre, named the Magna Plaza. For a few nice trinkets to take home, or as an escape from a down pour a good place to go.

On the same street as the Magna Plaza, Nieuwzijds Voorburgwal, you’ll find alleyways leading off, filled with quirky little privately owned shops selling everything from jewellery to furniture. Other streets that have “fun” shops are Haarlemmerdijk, a continuation of the Nieuwendijk and Utrechtrestraat, which runs from Rembrandtplein to de Pijp.


Miscellaneous Points

As far as NO GO areas, obviously dark alleyways that seperate the Damrak from the Nieuwendijk and around the Red Light District are not entirely sensible to venture up alone at night, and less so with your latest Digital Camcorder swaying from your neck. That aside, apart from the "notorious" Bijlmer housing estate - an area where gunshot injuries are the main cause of death with immigrant males between 18 - 35(!), way out of the city centre in the Zuid Oost (South-east), which, fortunately, you're VERY unlikely to end up in, Amsterdam, in general, is a VERY safe city, with pick pocketing probably the most common threat to both tourists and city-dwellers alike.

ALWAYS carry your passport with you. New laws have been passed that mean Dutch Police can stop you and demand you show ID. If you can’t on-the-spot fine of about €80.

On the first Monday of each month the Nuclear Alert klaxons are tested and sound off throughout the city. If they go off any other time, I hope you’ve enjoyed your last vacation!

Credit cards are not really too widely accepted, out with the main shops in centre. So, if your going for a meal in restaurant either check first before you order or take cash with you.

Bare in mind that in many Tourist Bars, Grande cafes and even McDonalds and KFC you will be expected to pay the toilet attendant that awaits at a table at the entrance. Make sure you’ve a €0.50 coin in your pocket. It’s a ridiculous situation as you ARE a paying client, but a ridiculous situation that you’ll just have to accept and live with.

Amsterdam is widely recognised as Europe’s Gay Capital, with an estimated 70% of Central Amsterdam residents lesbian or gay. However, that said, if you’re gay and with your partner, maybe avoid walking hand-in-hand down the streets just now. Unfortunately, recently there have been “ gay bashing” incidents happening in Amsterdam’s main streets, even during daytime, with gangs of Moroccan youths taking up a new “game”!

Oh, one last thing. If you want to be polite and raise a smile when served …. The Dutch words for Please and Thank You are Alstublieft (pronounce it Asha-bleef) and Dank U Wel (pronounced Dankya-Vel)


Handy Telephone Numbers

Emergency Number (Police/Ambulance/Fire) 112
Taxi Centraal Amsterdam 020-6777777
British Consulate (Passport Lost, etc.) 020-


Finally …

Okay, so although I haven’t made an exhaustive guide to Amsterdam, I would hope that the information above gives some pointers to you. If there is anything more specific that you want to ask/know, by all means mail me at murraydeschot@gmail.com. I’m always glad to help!

I hope that you’ll enjoy your stay to Amsterdam.

WOA!!! thanks for the guide! now i know more 'bout where to hang out.
still looking for ppl to hang out with though hehehe

Hi yuffie', lombard resently moved to Utrecht also looking for people to hang-out with if you still up for it let me know. Willing to meet you in Amsterdam