i'm just curious.. from where i come from, it's not uncommon that ex-couples, despite of having broken up for a long time, happen to reunite at some point. i reckon in a relationship we make ourselves heavily emotionally attached to such point that your ex will never be out of your life unless replaced by a much better partner.

how about dutchies..?

Hm, well, I have an astoundingly dismal view of the dutchmen so I will happily not be uniting or reuniting with any of them again. I don't know what to say, I've never gotten back together with an ex anyway. If it didn't work the first time, why would it work the second time? It always sounded to me like a fantastic way to waste even more time out of your life with the wrong person.

I am sure the dutchmen who characteristically don't like to show much emotion anyway will happily move along with as little possibility of angst as they can. I think that reuniting with an ex would require things like grief, remorse, loss, and sorrow, usually caused by dwelling on the past relationship and building it back up through a rose-colored lens then seeking it out again. I just don't think of a dutch guy as capable of this depth of feeling so I wonder if you will hear too many such tales.

My Dutchie went back with an ex after a split. Of course it was a mistake because the problem that separated them didn't go away.

She knew he was a good man, but had an image of the perfect spouse: traditional, mature, blablabla. My Dutchie will always have the touch of the adolescent rebel in him...

The deal-breaker the second time was the same issue as the first time -- music. What she thought of as a time-wasting hobby, he considered a large part of who he was. He wasn't naive enough to think that he could make a living at it anymore, but that didn't mean he was going to give it up totally to mold himself into Meneer Red Slacks.

Weirdly, the two of us don't live some wild lifestyle or anything; he has two bands on top of his full-time job. But he will tell you that although his job is "declarant", he is a musician.

So..this thread hasn't been filling up much.

I'm thinking the Dutchies don't really have many and in some cases any exes. If their bedroom experience is any indication they aren't getting around all that much. That could be advantageous in some cultures, but trying to teach your Dutchie new tricks is like....well, you know...

You're gonna believe what you want to believe no matter what we say, so...

If the guys are so much better back home, why are you living here and still single?

+1

Whaa? cause I'm going to move around to be where the right men are? :roll:

who said I was still single just because I slag off the dutch as lovers which everyone knows has truth to it...(or was the point that I'm obviously still searching for a dutchie and all of what I say is just sour grapes?) I'm currently dating a german.

I was here mainly to glean what I can about why my old dutchie was such a train wreck - now I've stayed on.. I don't think it was "just him" as you can't get THAT stiff miserable and uptight without cultural help - and I look around and so many of the dutch seem to be, well, kind of miserable...

Does it? I didn't know that.

If all the Dutchies you've dated are the same I'd suggest looking up self-fulfilling prophesy in the dictionary. Or looking at yourself in the mirror.

Just because I dated a string of Canadian tools doesn't mean all Canadian guys are tools. I just made bad choices. Once I started acknowledging my responsibility for my own choices, I could recognize a tool when I saw one.

Anyway, enough, I'm not going to get into the level of insulting each other. What's with the looking in the mirror, bs? Just ignore my posts if you don't like them

Later.

(P.S. yea, it does comparatively :wink: )

Don't post in a public forum if you don't want people to disagree with you.

There is "disagreeing" then there is getting too personal, which I refuse to do with other posters. Have a nice day CW.

"La la la la I'm not listening!!"

I'll talk to you in 20 years... :roll:

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ahh ..no ... I am looking at this two ways ....
My husband just shook his head ,laughed and said,"Good Luck,,,that is exactly why I am married to an American "

He had to deal with this kind of nonsense for years with his ex wife,, finally finding pictures of naked men on the comp who she said were just her "friends" she was talking to.

Now five years later,, I am still having to deal with her sending messages, scantily clad photos of herself and invites to every messenger service in Holland to him ,,,she either uses their daughters email addresses or whatever site she is on email addresses ,, never her own email address. I made it known early I would not be going for this and she said ,, we are just "friends"

My husband says she looks ridiculous dressed like that at her age in public and has just finished emailing their daughter again telling her to stop it ,,,

She also sends these to all her other male "friends" in Holland ...usually married , with children and money.

Watch yourself though ,,regular posters might remember ,,but to you ,,when he had had enough ,, she became very sweet ,the perfect wife,, convinced him since they were going to work it out and be together ,, that he should have a vasectomy ,,,, then dumped him before it was even healed

What a ...friend

I believe that my Dutchie's friends are also my friends, so if she wants to see him, she gets the package!

If she wants nothing to do with me, I would ask "what does she have to hide? If she's just a friend, nothing, right?"

I admit that my Dutchie met up with his ex last year for coffie at V&D. He kept asking me whether it was okay, but under the circumstances (first meet up in about three years, and she was just recently married) I figured it was more a catch-up/closure thing. And it was. I met up with them after about an hour, and she was lovely.

Gut instinct...If you generally feel secure in your relationship, you can pretty well determine what the motives behind the meet-up are, I think.

For some reasons Dutchies try to recycle their exes because they just arent very nice to each other and it is like you are better off with the devil you know. Even if they are in a good relship, they try to hedge their bets because they have been so traumatized by the dutch relship rollercoaster.

If you stand up for yourself and sayI just don't feel that important if you are just going to keep a connection with your exes, its just silly to me.

Good luck

you know what they say.. once you love someone, you could never unlove him/her even when you dont end up with each other. only, the nature and degree/intensity of love changes according to the situation.

i'm thinking, if my partner keeps contact with an ex, chances of their love being reignited is more than when he doesn't hear from her. if he could love her back then, how could he not fall in love again the second time around? and if they broke up because there are things they didn't like about each other then, what if, later on, they were able to change for the better and they realize that thru the constant communication.

i should find it quite risky if my partner would be having "friendly dates" with an ex..

This attitude just doesn't make sense to me. If your relationship isn't strong enough to prevent your mate from wandering, then it's just a matter of time until you break up. Having contact with an ex isn't going to change that. So objecting to the contact for that reason just doesn't seem logical at all.

in my culture it kinda makes sense. we got a thousand and one stories of exes ending up together again, even when they already are with new partners.

although since i moved here to NL, i'm trying to change that way of thinking too as i'm aware that things dont work the same way here as it is from where i come from.

and indeed you have a point.

Personally I would never have a desire to return to an ex. Afterall, she is an ex for a reason. I've no clue how the Dutch really are but a few of my friends have no problem seeing their ex's on a regular basis.