ok, bear in mind i live in Gent, but I have been here 1.5years now, and i am still no closer to understanding the Belgian dating culture.

I am a university educated former model with a nice personality, and a big heart. I have been looking to settle down and find a smart, sweet, attractive guy. Im financially very well off, so, i dont require that support from a man.

I know alot of guys who i would like to date. They are single. I have kissed them. However, when i ask them to meet with me, call me, stay the night, i am met with silence. And these are guys that i think are below my usual standard in my home country, ie, not in professional jobs, not as good looking as I would usually go for. But im making compormises because i have been alone for a year now.

I recently fell for a guy with a girlfriend, which i have never done before, and he feels the same way but he doesnt have the guts to leave her!

So my questions are

1. why do Belgians stay in relationships when they are so unhappy? They arent married, and are still young enough to get out (24). I see this so often, its almost like they enjoy the torture of it. WHY??

2. Why dont Belgian men have the balls to buy a girl a drink in a bar?

3. Why can i dance all night in a killer outfit, and have not 1 man approach me?

4. Why, with boys that i get along with, that there is attraction with, and i have even said "call me!" do they still stay silent?

5. Why is it that unnatractive, unmotivated, boring women always seem to have the smartest, most attractive, most interesting boyfriends?

5. Why the hell am i still single? This country is damn cold and i need some body heat!!

If anyone knows the answers to these questions, i would really like to know your response. Please dont give me greif over this post, i am genuinely looking for answers. Maybe someone older than me can help out, maybe things change? For a year now i have been lonely and frustrated and heartbroken, and i need to fix it.

Thanks.

That's great blog material. I reckon except for Brussels which has slightly more of a big city vibe, there's not much diff between the other big cities in Flanders.

And while I don't think it's fair to generalize, in a blanket manner about most Belgians, I think for most part, they just lack Chutzpah and its a bit unnerving

Most of the local Belgians I know have met their significant others really early in life, in their early twenties or even late teens and have just stuck together. The divorce rate in Belgium is amongst the highest in Europe (70+%), which gives you some idea about how the penny drops. I find it a bit unnerving that most local women don't really flirt. They're either overtly hitting on you or ignore you. There's nothing in between. And the body language is very androgynous which doesn't help

Maybe hanging out with the non whiny, fun expats would be more of a crack

Elle 09 / Nicholas,

Am a Canadian who has just moved here for a three to five year contract with my company. I arrived March 11th and I like you and having difficulty with the Belgian dating scene. I also got involved with somebody in a relationship. She should leave as it is a mentally abusive relationship but like you said no gutts.

I have a good job which I love perhaps a bit too much but as they say if you love your job you won't work a day. If you want to chat or go for a coffee sometime it would be nice to have some contact with someone from the commonwealth as I am finding these people's way of thinking very strange.

I live in a company apartment in Antwerp and have company transport so more than willing to go anywhere.

Take care,
Nicholas
320474089103

Hello!

I hope you found someone by now elle09!
I'm belgian myself. At first I found your topic a bit funny, because I thought that you might be in a "down" phase, or trying too much (even if unconsciously).

But you're very right in many aspects. I don't have the answers to your questions, but one thing tends to be true for many belgian guys: they have no balls. I'm saying that and I'm a guy myself.

I've had the chance to travel quite a lot, I've lived in the UK for a while, and I've learned quite a lot from being around non-belgian people. What tangoaires replied is quite true: most belgian dudes settle very early - and most of the time they just settle for anything (sorry to be crude, but look at the divorce rate).

Around the close belgian guys I know, many of them have had few relationships, long ones (for their age, like 5y+ for a 24 y.o), and don't seem to even think about anything else. Don't get me wrong, I haven't had many relationships myself, and that doesn't mean a lot. But sometimes I really wonder what some guys are doing with such a non-attractive girl.

I read a book about personality troubles in men, and I really think many belgians are affected (ok maybe I'm generalising) and have issues in establishing themselves (s'assumer in French), or believing they are worth something better. As a side note, it also made me think I had issues.

I think one of the reasons might be the way we are educated in this country. Educated to be nice all the time, to care about your image, to please everyone. There are probably tons of reasons. Not being able to really have fun is another one: when they go out, most belgians do it in small groups of 5-6, go to the bar for drinks, discuss with people they know in a familiar environment. They don't have much incentive to discover something else. They just don't have the guts, which is quite paradoxical to the fact that many of them would love to date an attractive woman, and say "I'm a such a nice guy, what the hell is she doing with that idiot?".

This tendency can be found in other countries as well I'm sure, but I have to say I agree it's quite generalized in Belgium.

I have quite a few ideas on the subject actually. I work in Gent at the moment, so if you want to have a drink after work and chat about it, send me a private message through the forum and we'll get in touch.

Hello,
Well, i have some good news on the dating front, although i do stand by all my comments below!

I have met a lovely Belgian. Shock horror! We have been dating for over 1 mth and to my surprise, has done nothing freaky as yet.. although, he spent 2 years of his youth in the USA, so i think that may have something ot do with it.

I met him in a club, and yes, i had to make the first move. He has expressed surprise at meeting his now girlfriend in a club (see, its not so bad...just like how the rest of the world does it!)

The people i was thinking of are still in their unhappy relationships. Actually, the guy with the girlfriend is actually a friend of my boyfriend, and on 2 occaisions have had drinks together as a group, and i wonder if he looks at how happy i am with my man and thinks "that could have been me"?

Black pearl, i agree, why dont belgians know how to have fun? Its not that hard! Just do what you feel, dance how you want, and stop worrying that people might actually think you have a personality: oh the discrace!

Anyway, thanks for all the responses guys! Ill keep you updated..

Really glad you met somebody at last Elle. See, life has a tendency to work out by itself sometimes.
Seeing how it happened, it quite confirms my thought that many belgians are chicken , although nice guys, and probably need to be taken by the hand sometimes.
Is it a syndrom of our times? I don't know. But hey, what the hell, be happy! It's all that matters.

Ok, well... its not all roses...

Belgian guys are chronically late1 To dates, to come over, and sometimes, they say they might come, but then cancel! I find this the epitome of rudeness, but it has happened with every belgian i have been with, so, i am wondering
-do all belgians disrespect others time
-should i just re-adjust that 5.30 really means 6.30?
-is it just that men like to put women in their place?

When i have a guy coming over, im excited to see him at the designate time. The later it gets, the less i want to see the guy... to the point that when he does arrive, im just about ready to give him the flick. Its especially so when i have planned somehting special, eg, choclate fondue, sexy lingerie, etc...

WHY WHY WHY!?!?! And, is it worth breaking up over?

Very interseting!

I'm not a psychologist, but I'm reading a few books on social behaviours in general. While being late can be caused by various reasons (genuine mishaps like traffic or "the cat ate my car keys"), for some people it is very deeper than that.
I don't think it's the case for all belgians though, and indeed a "respectful" person would try not to be late. However, I also know some guys that did that on purpose to, like you say, put women in their place; which I'm not quite in favor either. And in some cases it might be symptomatic of some kind of social anxiety.
I won't develop the topic, but have a look at how your friend behaves around people he doesn't know, in an unfamiliar environment. Is he comfortable presenting himself and engaging in a conversation? Does he stick around you or does he make a move to go and chat to anybody?
If not, then there might be a problem there. Otherwise if he seems comfortable, he just acted miserably on you!

Hi,

Although I might be going away from topic buy you may even try meeting some non-Belgians because the world is mixing very fast and you will get to know that most of the men are like this only. please note that I say most of men and not all.


Regards,
Vipul

Au Revoir Belgium!

I still dont really know the anwers to my first post, and it looks like now i never will. I have had enough, and im going home.

PS.. Yes, i got dumped, AGAIN. This time because the guy was so happy when he was with me, that he found it too hard to be apart. The answer: break up. Belgians are all NUTS.